why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize