yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
