Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
