these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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