You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
