I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
