She is in my trunk
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
