Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
