WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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