I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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