First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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