everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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