so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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