if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
