Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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