Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
