I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
