Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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