yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize