He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
