I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
