he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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