hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
