I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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