I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i think i have two assholes
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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