I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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