I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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