did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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