I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
