No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Someone shit on the floor
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
