Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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