Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
