Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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