I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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