Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
