It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
