We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
worst night to have a conscience
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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