You're my little dorito
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
