i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
