You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This is classic penis vs brain.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
