i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
