i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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