He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
