We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
