My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
