Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
