Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
