I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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