i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
