also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
