so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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