"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
