I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
3pm strippers are depressing
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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