when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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