i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's never too late to be topless.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
