i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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