I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
