Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
