Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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