she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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