Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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