remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
