I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
