three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
