literally had 100 drinks last night.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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