He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
