HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
